*how to describe what I am feeling*

So from my previous post ... I am still pretty upset about Odie being gone and to tell you the truth I really don't feel like going over to Kev's house yet. Because it will really hit me then.

Monday - I was at work and really couldn't handle all the texts from Kev telling me that they were going to the vet, when they got there, and when finally they put him down... I just couldn't focus on that because I was at work. I didn't want to break down in front of all my patients and my co-workers. I mean who is going to trust a healthcare professional to make you feel better while in the hospital when they are crying their eyes out??? So I put on my focus hat on and tried not to let the thought of Odie being gone enter my head after I got Kev's message about it being "done"... ugh.... that just sounds so horrible. But as soon as I got into my car and was waiting until it heated up I bawled my eyes out. Even as I was driving home I sobbed and sobbed. I couldn't catch a break either... the damn radio station kept playing all the saddest songs you could think of.

{granted a couple of them were break up songs but there were lines such as "i whish you were here" and "once you were gone"... so I think that counts}

Once I got home my dad saw my red eyes (I'm not one of those people who can hide their crying face all that well) and asked what was wrong.

{my dad never had the chance to get to meet Odie...}

So my dad told me that this is life and it is what it is... now I know that it his statement is true but

I STILL MISS ODIE AND IT STILL HURTS LIKE ALL HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FYI: I never had a dog of my own so I never knew how much love there is between a dog and their owner.... yeah now I know.

So to all you dog owners out there please do me a favor:

This is my challenge to all of you dog owners out there. Don't take your awesome little pup for granted and love him more than ever. Because believe me it hurts (like no other!) when they are gone... especially when it is YOU who has to decide to ... end ... his/her life.

Tuesday - again I had to go to work so I didn't have to go over to Kev's house... and I just don't know what to do or say to anyone in that house. It was soo hard to talk to Kev on the way to work... he was telling me that he doesn't know what to do either... he was so used to having Odie there and saying good bye to him everyday and waving and making sure he won't go outside everytime the door got open...

This is what I am talking about. I am DREADING going over because I know I'll wanna look down and I will wanna see Odie there. . . but he won't be there... {sigh}

It's hard to not sound emo about Odie being gone but he was a VERY big part of our lives. Especially to Kev... Odie was his best friend. For 13 years Odie was there and helped Kev grow up to be a caring person that he is.


I'm sorry abou the past few days of depressing posts but it is my life {and my blog} and I needed to get this out in writing ... and plus it seems I am all cried out for now... but there is no denying that when I go over to Kev's house I will start to cry. Whether it be in front of Kev's parents or just upstairs once I get to be alone with Kev...


I will update later... and more "joyful" and informative posts will come.

Believe me I hate being all depressed about his passing because I just try to be optimistic (which I was before Monday about Odie) but the weather is disgusting outside and I'm so tired.
I barely got any sleep last night. I went to sleep at 4 am and woke up at 10 am... you do the math...


I will regain my strength after I see Kev... I dread going to Kev's house but I will love seeing and hugging Kev.
{and his parents too}

No comments: